fly away

Some light entertainment today. Don't expect too much. In September two friends of mine are getting married in recently resuscitated Belfast, and though it's only a stone's throw away, I decided on the plane to get there. Throwing a stone into a city with a dark history of sectarian violence just didn't sound like a good idea. Especially right now that the violence has made a comeback among disaffected youth in search of early-evening entertainment that gives more kicks than an Xbox 3D.

I went for the plane and commenced the stroll across the overloaded and underperforming websites of a dozen budget airlines to find the best deal, the best compromise of time and money. Here's what flybe had to offer:

Which one would you take? The return flight offered similar choices:

Not only doesn't it cost anything, you also don't have to feel bad about burning the planet, as the following graphic explains:

This is the kind of chart that graces fridges, TVs and cars in their respective showrooms and advertises their environmental consciousness to the caring public. Buying something with a green A is like hugging a tree. Except here it's not the pollution levels that are primarily highlighted, but the acoustic impact. And what do the numbers below mean? What are seven kilograms of local air?

Maybe this greenwashing can be excused these days. It's what the consumer craves. What came next is to be expected from budget airlines but can never be excused.

The taxes and charges are ok. What can you do? The airports want to survive as well. And note how, in a touching move, the seat is free. Overall the ticket is still cheap, but what is it about an eight-pounds debit card charge, a charge that would increase by 25% were I to pay by credit card? What can be the possible reason that this charge is levied for each person even if only one booking is made? Did I just feel someone nestle my wallet from my back pocket?

Truth be told, I didn't. It was my imagination, a bad day dream of sorts. Because when I had entered all my details and clicked confirm, my purchase was denied with an irremediable error. (Imagine the disgruntled Indian call-center-wallah dealing with error code: Unknown in the middle of his night. Helpful? I don't think so.)

How do I get to Belfast now? And don't suggest the stone. I might throw that at flybe instead.