twelve monkeys

The infinite monkey theorem states that, given enough time, a monkey who's randomly hacking on a typewriter will produce almost certainly any given sequence of characters, be it the complete works of William Shakespeare, the Bible, or the operation manual of a microwave oven. The more monkeys one has, the less time it takes to get the desired result. Curiously, here in France it will take twelve monkeys less than two weeks to determine the next president. More curiously yet, it will be one of them.

I'm exaggerating a bit for effect. The number of candidates will be whittled down to two not one during the first round of the presidential election in two weeks, but this much is true: The official campaign is only two weeks short, and about the candidates, without exception, one can only shake one's head.

Of the twelve, there's one hunter-gatherer who speaks with such a thick accent that he is incomprehensible to me. There's a forceful worker who mumbles to himself. There's a thirty-some-year old hard core communist whose contribution to society so far has been distributing mail every morning, except for frequent strike days. There's a lady who has run in every presidential election since Napoleon III's defeat against Prussia kicked off the Third Republic in 1870. She's proud to be the factory worker's tireless advocate – never mind that factory workers are increasingly rare in our post-industrial society. There's the peasant who wants to finally do away with globalization. These days he's busy denouncing Europe while at the same time claiming higher farm subsidies – from Europe. He's got a criminal record for having bulldozed a McDonald's franchise in 1996. Three more candidates make eight who are talked about at length these days thanks to a law guaranteeing every candidate equal exposure but whose names no one will mention once the votes are counted.

The four that complete the dozen are being taken more seriously by the electorate, though it's often hard to tell why. The two forerunners, Sego and Sarko, from the left and the right, respectively, surprise the public and each other by frequently attacking the same topic with the same ideas – or lack thereof. On a recent day both could be heard decrying the strength of the euro and the cost of gas to commuters. Not many ask questions or take offense at this nonsense.

On the far right is Le Pen who wants migrants out but Germans in. In an interview he suggested that the Nazi occupation wasn't so bad after all. I doubt he's finding a majority with this opinion.

About Bayrou, the twelfth candidate, one can't say much. He just seems to stand there surrounded by mayhem and madness trying to project calm and sense. He's a quiet man, and about his ideas or how he's going to realize them not much is known. That's a valid strategy in this campaign, but it doesn't lend much hope to the immediate future of the country.

I'm glad it's not my civic duty to vote in this election.