two companies

Orange has been my broadband and home phone provider since I moved to London more than five years ago. Sometimes the internet is slow and once the landline went silent for a few weeks, but I've generally been happy. After the first two years, just to see what's possible, I threatened leaving though I had the hardest time identifying a decent alternative. Orange nevertheless dropped my monthly charges by a third to keep me aboard.

A few weeks ago I received a letter from Orange, telling me in self-congratulatory marketing speak that the plan I'm on is on its way out and I will henceforth benefit from drastically reduced services (notably one line instead of two), a pleasure for which I will be charged a meager ten per cent extra. If I don't acquiesce to this extortion and choose to remain on my plan, I will lose my free international calls, which, Orange claims, added up to nearly £150 the month before.

Orange UK has recently merged with T-Mobile, both mobile ventures of former state monopolists (in France and Germany, respectively), to form a mongrel called Everybody Anywhere or something similarly inane. Now existing contracts are destined for the shredder, treasured services discontinued and loyal customers squeezed like oranges. I am not exactly enthusiastic.

Today, to give my rant some perspective, I got a letter from EDF, my gas and electricity provider. I am told that the dual fuel discount that I'm eligible for hasn't been applied to my account for a year. This observation took me a bit by surprise. I haven't seen a gas bill in a year and a half. I pay, by direct debit, a monthly amount that over three years doesn't add up to the winter fuel allowance that every pensioner in this country, whether prosperous or penniless, receives each year.

I live a frugal life and am not beyond a bit of discomfort to live within my means: I take the bus not the taxi even when it rains, I fly economy class, and I turn the heat on only when it hurts. But my direct debit bill can surely not cover all the energy I'm using. My account must accumulate obligations like a Cypriot bank. I've tried to remedy the situation by phoning in current meter readings or submitting them online but have never been successful. There's something wrong with my accounts that no telephone wallah has ever been able to sort out.

Anyway, the letter continues that the missed discount has been a regrettable mistake and that "we are applying a credit to your account". It gets better: "To compensate you for this error we have also applied interest to the credit at a rate of 0.5% as a gesture of goodwill." Disregarding for the moment the 0.5% interest, which is plainly ridiculous on a balance of less than 20 quid, the letter is a nice example of a company giving the appearance of valuing their customers. "…please accept my apologies for this error…"

With this in mind and some ammunition I found in old contracts and current customer acquisition efforts by their competitors, I will call Orange this weekend to find out whether the terms on offer can't be tweaked just a little. There must be a way to make both sides happy.